Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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