I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
