Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
no you cant smoke seaweed
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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