Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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