He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
