Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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