Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
