You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
