I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
