What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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