you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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