dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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