i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
