see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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