I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So. Much. Porn.
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