WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
