no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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