Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
no, he came in my armpit
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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