I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
