Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i will never coherently bang her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
