Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
