Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
