She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
