i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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