so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
