dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
