This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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