i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
