maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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