I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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