were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
two words...techno handjob
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize