walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
