I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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