lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
