the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize