obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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