I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
