Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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