Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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