I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
