Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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