you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
