my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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