I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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