Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
