her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
