Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
