3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
