its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize