Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
