Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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