So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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