I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
