he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
