Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
