I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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