the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
