I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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