i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize