Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize