I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
