Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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