Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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