Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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