If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
