I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
